The Development of a Dog

Dogs are wonderful creatures, friendly, and loyal, smart and handsome animals that come in many sizes from little yippers that fit in the hand to huge hulking brutes fit to guard any man’s castle. They deserve much study and attention. Let us lay out a schetch of a dog as he is becoming. 1 percent dog. Your skin begins to tingle. You are slightly sensitized to your environment, and prone to smile for no reason, and to shiver in anticipation of things most humans can’t comprehend. You don’t know what they are yet, but you are excited about them none-the-less. 3 percent dog. Nose twitching and snuffling occur involuntarily at times. Scratching in public becomes less inhibited. Most men scratch in public anyway, but some restraint is usually exercised. At 3 percent, this is lessened. There is a bounce and a skip to the step that attracts glances from passers-by, wondering why you are so happy. Panting isn’t happening yet, but heavy breathing is. 5 percent dog Full blown panting is happening in the summer-time now. Your bathroom is a mess because you’d rather shake the water off than use a towel. 10 percent dog. Your toilet doesn’t have to be cleaned much anymore, since you are urinating outside most of the time. But you do this in secret because you aren’t transformed yet. 20 percent dog. Your nose is becoming wet and cold and very sensitive. Your nose leads you everywhere, you want to snuffle and sniff everything. You are still walking upright, but fur is growing on your body in patches. You luxuriate in long bouts of scratching, and sniffing everything in sight. 30 percent dog. Soft pads are developing on your hands and feet and you walk on all fours sometimes. You’d rather eat out of a bowl than a plate. You are eager to seek attention, and scamper around humans, talking, and sometimes making dog-like sounds because there are no human words to describe the doggy feelings you feel, how good it is to just be alive. 50 percent dog. You have discovered the joys of licking. Everything and everybody is fair game. Your tongue is your soft pink sword which you happily greet the world with. Your hind-quarters vibrate and you lay on the floor for hours scratching, and panting, and you run to the front door alternatively barking and shouting because your doggy and human natures are almost equal now. If you are a man, becoming a dog, your wife’s friends are embarrassed to come over and visit because of the shameless bouts of crotch sniffing and begging for food and attempts to do entertaining tricks, though secretly, they are charmed and amused by some of these antics. A female becoming a dog fares a little better, because the men just pat her and call her a good girl, but they don’t have tasty tidbits to offer like the women usually do, so the woman becoming a dog is forced to go steal food from the cat. 75 percent dog Your tail, your glorious tail is grown to full length. You enjoy wagging it, and wagging it. This is especially wonderful if you are a bigger dog, because you take extreme pleasure in wagging your tail in the lounge and clearing off the coffee table. Lying on the floor, and thumping your tail gives you no end of pleasure, as well as flopping it on a mattress in bed. Cats have become a wonderful new source of amusement for you as you find new ways to torture and torment them. Some of you secretly like cats, but you can’t let them know that. 90 percent dog. Oh, glory of glories, oh, joys of joys; you can now do the thing that makes dogs the happiest creatures on the planet. You can now nuzzle, lick, and otherwise manipulate your genitals with your tongue and soft sensitive nose. Male and female dogs both revel in this act. It is especially delightful when humans are trying to do something serious and proper. You can never resist doing this in church, or in court. You have strong powerful jaws which can crunch bones, and you enjoy growling at the mail-man and watching him flinch in fear as you hurl yourself at the front door barking loudly and roaring your doggy delight. But you’d never really hurt him, you love humans, they are your masters, your friends, you must protect and obey your immediate family of humans, but you know in your heart all humans are good and kind, and almost always have pats and treats for you. And the human females smell so wonderful at nose level. They don’t slap you anymore when you nuzzle them, but call you good doggy and pat you. Oh the freedom of being almost a dog. 100 percent dog. You now have the power and grace of a full-blown canine. You can chase and catch game, protect your family, chase balls for little kids, lick and nuzzle all your most sensitive parts, smell and hear everything in the sharpest detail. You are shameless, un-restrained, unfettered by neurotic human hang-ups, you know life is wonderful, and every corner and cranny contains a treat or surprise or new adventure for you. you are now a full-blown, glorious wonderful, furry, tail-wagging, butt-smelling, licking snuffling dog, man’s best friend, and woman’s playmate, Shepherd’s of the blind, herders of sheep, and undoubtedly, one of nature’s most noble unselfish, and demonstrative creatures.